Committed Non-Shopper Gets Sucked In – Would Rather Go to the Dentist

I am a committed non-shopper.  Would rather visit a dentist than shop.   When I do shop, it’s kamikaze-shopping.   Know what you’re looking for, grab it quick, then escape.   Having said that, for some unbelievably-stupid reason, I let myself get sucked into Black Friday last year.   I had a garage project underway, and felt a Detroit Lakes Menards visit might be worth the Black Friday pain.   Got there just about opening time (pulling a trailer), and the parking lot was already full, with cars parked about ¼ mile down the access road.   Shudda tucked my tail between my legs and headed home.   Didn’t.   Found myself a place to squeeze truck/trailer, and headed to the store.   No carts available.   See above regarding tail between legs.   Finally got a cart that had a banshee-screech front wheel.  Normally, this would be a detriment, but it was an asset, because it acted just like those fakey deer warning whistles were supposed to work.  I have bad hearing, and wear hearing aids.  Another asset, because I was able to turn off my hearing aids.   However, normal people heard me bearing down on them, and bailed left and bailed right.   Which was good, because were it not for that, I woulda needed Moses to get anywhere.   Had a hit list of items I wanted to grab.   However, because it was Black Friday, none of them were in their normal spot.   My Moses Cart kept me moving, but just barely.   Found a couple of items, and by then crowd-uphobia was in full swing.   The kicker was when I finally found the table saw that was on sale…which was the main reason for my sucked-in trip.   It happened to be the last one, but it was a Mickey Mouser.  In fact, it was a sub-Mickey Mouser.  A real turd.   Tail-between-the-legs time.   Checkout line musta wrapped around the inside of the store twice.    Had two choices:  1) admit defeat, abandon cart and head home or 2) shuffle through the checkout line.   Chose the latter, not sure why, and regretted the decision.   I think it was about 3 hours after startup that I finally emerged.   Never again.   Never, never, never, never NEVER!!!!  I’ve already made my dental appointment for Friday morning.   Looking forward to it.

 

Chuck Johnson

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